I may look confident on the outside, perhaps even arrogant, my outfits well curated, lipstick within the lines. Some say that I’m ambitious, driven, and self assured.
I will smile, wave, and ask about your day.
Yet what you do not know, is that every word I speak is laden with crushing anxiety. Each hello is followed by a deluge of obsessive thoughts.
Anxiety is why I seem unapproachable. It doesn’t follow any rules, or listen to reason. It makes my head spin, full of fear.
No one wants social anxiety. I always winced when referred to as the “quiet” friend or “introvert.” It took me years to accept those labels, to realize that I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only anxious person on the planet.
Anxiety isn’t going anywhere. There are days when I feel like there is a glass barrier between me and anyone I meet. That I tap on the barrier as loud as I can but they can’t see that I’m trying to reach out. I’m not unfriendly, I’m just anxious.
Sometimes I wish I could wear a name tag that says “hello, I have social anxiety, I do still want to meet you.” Sadly I cannot.
I have to push through my barriers, one conversation at a time. So that anxiety and I will find our place in the world.