So who am I?
Doctors say:
Alice is a 28 year old woman, with bipolar disorder (type 1), generalized anxiety, a history of substance use, and trauma from the loss of both parents by age 18.
What I say, is that I am Alice.
I have seven notebooks, each for a different purpose, and a head full of words. It’s those words and those thoughts that define me, not my past, and not my diagnosis. Experiencing both mania and depression caused me to wonder who I was and what my “real” personality or mood was meant to be. I do not believe I am alone in this feeling. I like to think that everyone wonders who they are, and searches for an identity. It is human nature. Yet, I believe it is futile to try. I have stopped trying.
I am Alice. Every single day of the week, every hour, minute and second. I breathe, smile when the sun is bright and the sky is blue, and cry when darkness falls around me when I remember what I’ve lost. Sometimes I’m a mess, I wear beautiful boots on a muddy hike, or feel like my head is full of thoughts that I can’t quite understand. There are days when I hide under my scratchy blanket and will my world to change. For better or for worse, all of those emotions, feelings, and moods are a part of me.
I Am Alice today.
This blog is going to consist of my general reflections – memories, funny, happy, and sad – ideas and musings. I am not an authority on anything and don’t purport to be. I know I’m privileged – and I know I have opportunities – especially in terms of mental health treatment – that many don’t. Yet, all I can speak to are my experiences. Situations are different but emotions at least in my experience are universal. I will not use this as a platform to spread my political views – there is so much of that already out there. Feel free to reach out to me – I want to hear your voices and learn what makes you yourself too.
If you find me fascinating and want to know more click here